Not Only In My Dreams
by Crutchie
Summary: In which Jack and Crutchie watch each other's YouTube videos and wish they were together.


**Hey guys! God, this is such an old fic. I started it last December and only now did I finish it. Oh, well. Enjoy!**

* * *

Crutchie doesn't mean to do it; really he doesn't.

But it's been nearly two weeks since Jack last skyped him, and even though they text and email, it's not the same. He knows Jack's been busy with exams, but Crutchie could really use his voice right now.

Which is why he types "Jack Kelly" into YouTube's search bar.

He's not a hundred percent sure what he's expecting, anyway. But it isn't his name in the username of the first one: _drawinglifeandcrutchie ._ It's definitely his Jack, anyway. He clicks the channel and pulls up the most recent video; it's titled "In Which I Attempt to Draw Hair." All of Jack's videos appear to be titled like this: In Which I Am Forced by My Professor to Do a Still Life, In Which I Draw While Eating Popcorn, In Which I Complain about My Crappy Sketchbook, In Which I Cannot Get Crutchie's Eyes Right So I Draw Him Sleeping. Grinning at his name, Crutchie presses play on that video.

Jack's voice comes from his crappy laptop speakers. "Hey guys, it's Jack- duh- and today I'm drawing- surprise- my boyfriend. Again. I know, I know, but he's fun to draw." Jack's hands, which are all you can see of him, move around, setting up a sketchbook and desk lamp. "So, let's get started!" The video starts speeding up, Jack's hands flying across the page at an impossible speed. He continues talking in voice-over. "Okay! So it looks like I got the editing right for once, so that's good… Okay, so I'm gonna draw Crutchie when he's asleep because then I don't gotta draw his eyes, which I never do right. It's pure genius because eyes are hard and he looks adorable when he's sleeping. Oh, for those commenters who asked last time- thank you for the comments by the way- but, um, no, I'm not drawing from life, actually. The last one with the dog was a picture I took, that I decided to make into a drawing, and this one- wait, what the hell is- okay, never mind, it went away. Weird-ass editing software shit. Anyway, this one is just from memory. And oh yeah, for materials, I have some cheap drawing pencils which are stolen from the supply cabinet in my drawing class, and then just my sketchbook. For erasers, I have this cool electric eraser thingy and then just a plain white eraser, and then a kneaded eraser, which is hella cool and also stolen."

Jack continues talking about art technique for a while until his sped-up hands are focused on drawing Crutchie's dark curls. "Oh, okay, so now we're at the hair. Crutchie has the best hair you guys, it's so fun but hard as hell to draw. But since it's pretty much always a crazy curls-everywhere mess, if I don't have a specific reference, I can just kinda draw random swirly lines and then kinda shade it in or whatever. But seriously, it's so soft, and then the curls, if you pull on them, they like spring right back. It's magical and adorable as hell. And then it's so dark, like dark-brown-almost-black kind of thing, and he's got such pale skin that it doesn't even, like, well, I don't know. He looks like a fairy-tale prince or something. I love it. And his eyes!" Jack sounds so excited. Crutchie can actually feel his heart melting. "Crutchie has the prettiest eyes, man, I wish I could draw them better so you can all see them, because they're so pretty. They're light brown, like chocolatey colored, and then they have these amazing little gold flecks in them, and they like, sparkle. Like, not even kidding. He is just the absolute cutest, and he's the sweetest guy too. Literally, he is so sweet and nice and man, I don't think anyone has a bad word to say about him. And he's so super talented too! He's a theatre major, and if you ever hear him sing, man, he's incredible. I'm so lucky to have him."

Jack keeps talking, but Crutchie doesn't hear him. He's crying now, and God, he knows this is stupid and he needs to get it together, but he can't help it. He misses Jack so much it physically hurts, a dull ache of longing in his chest. Quickly, he hits Like on the video and slams his laptop shut, knowing that watching the rest is only going to hurt more.

He is just going to bed when his phone chimes with a text from Jack. Grinning, Crutchie opens it to see two messages- a screenshot of the YouTube notification "crutchiemorris liked your video" and then Jack's caption "… you weren't supposed to find these".

Crutchie texts back quickly. "I missed you today. Decided to look for you on YouTube."

Jack replies fast. "I don't usually get that mushy when I draw you." A pause, and then "…who am I kidding yes I do."

Crutchie hates to do it, but he has an early class tomorrow. "I gotta sleep babe. Love you."

He waits for Jack's response. "Sleep well baby, love you too. Xxx."

(Five minutes later, his phone buzzes to tell him that Jack liked one of his covers.)

* * *

The next morning, in the library after class, Crutchie considers starting his essay, decides against it, and somehow finds his way to Jack's YouTube channel again. A new video has been posted- this one titled simply "Cover #13." He clicks the Like button before even playing the video. Jack is sitting behind a keyboard.

"Hey guys, so this is a cover that I'm doing for someone, who has no idea that it's for them. Hopefully they'll figure it out. Thanks as always to my fabulous roommate R, who lets me use his keyboard whenever, you're the best and I owe you. So here we go." Jack starts playing the keyboard, which Crutchie knew he could do but _damn he never told me he was this good_ , and then Crutchie recognizes the song. When I Grow Up. Matilda. One of his favorites. Jack starts to sing, and Crutchie closes his eyes to listen.

Technically, downloading music off of YouTube is illegal, or at the very least frowned upon. But if Crutchie downloads and converts Jack's cover to put on his iPod, well, no one has to know.

(That night, he posts a cover of Giants in the Sky from Into the Woods to his own YouTube, and if that happens to be Jack's favorite musical song of all time other than One Day More, well, what a coincidence.)

(And if a certain Jack Kelly likes it within twenty minutes of it being posted, well, there's another coincidence for you.)

* * *

They go back and forth like this for a while. Jack posts a drawing of or cover for Crutchie, and Crutchie responds with his own cover. Every time, they're careful to Like the other's video.

It's good, not as good as having him there, but still pretty good.

And then Jack drops the bomb.

He won't be able to come home for Christmas.

Crutchie manages not to cry until he's off the phone with Jack.

(No one posts anything that night, or at all for the next week.)

* * *

"December 24th, nine PM, Eastern Standard time, from here on in I shoot without a script," Crutchie sings to himself. He's been watching the clock more out of habit than anything, when he and Jack used to do this every Christmas Eve. "See if anything comes of it, instead of my old shit."

He needs to stop this, before he gets to a part where Roger comes in. Jack always sang for Roger before. Sighing, he refreshes his email, to see if Jack sends him anything. Nothing from Jack, but something from YouTube- a link to something. He follows it to see Jack. The video is titled "For Crutchie."

He opens it, and Jack smiles at the camera before starting to sing. "I'll be home for Christmas, just you wait and see…" Crutchie watches, trying not to cry as Jack sings for him.

Jack ends the song. "I'll be home for Christmas…" The video stops abruptly.

A voice in Crutchie's ear finishes the song. "Not only in my dreams…"

Crutchie shrieks and flies into Jack's arms. Jack pulls him onto the couch and kisses him. "You miss me?"

"Jack…" Crutchie doesn't trust his voice to say anything else.

"Merry Christmas, Crutchie."


End file.
